I have really mixed feelings about going back to Los Angeles. I have been extremely lucky and have been able to be with my family for the last 5 months in DC. The plan all along was that I would go back mid-July but with cases rising in LA, we decided to stay in DC until at least the end of the summer. Both Matt and my families are from the area so we were here for the birth of my first niece, got to see his little sister off to college and unfortunately experienced a tragic death in the family. But being able to go through these things surrounded by friends and family is an experience I will cherish forever. That’s what makes it so hard to leave.
During the pandemic, the fear of the unknown is overwhelming at times. What is going to happen next? Will things go on lockdown again? If we are in California, how are we going to get home if we need to? But something I have come to terms with, I don’t think things are going to go back to “normal” anytime soon. So, creating a new normal in LA is the new plan. It’s hard because I really don’t know what the next few months will have in store for me. I think I have been so apprehensive about going back because the old LA and my old life there that I loved so much, is going to look so different. Maybe that’s just something I have built up in my head but I am almost scared to go back to something that feels unrecognizable.
I know so many people are going through something so similar. It’s hard to make a jump to sign a new lease, or leave a job for a different career, or make any sort of semi-permanent decision because none of us know what’s going to happen for the next year. Making a decision during the unknown is tough, trust me, but I also don’t think you can put your life on hold during this time because that’s just doing yourself a disservice. I am telling you all this because I think we are all going through life changes that are 1) hard to talk about because you don’t want people to judge you (aka getting on a plane) and 2) there are so many people going through so much worse that it feels inconsequential to talk about these types of things. While the pandemic has put so much into perspective, it also shines a light on a lot of things that are easy to sweep under the rug when life is running a thousand miles a minute.
As I pack up my things in DC, I am ready for this next “phase” of my life in LA but I know the new normal will come with both highs and lows. For those of you making a big life decision right now, I empathise with you. I encourage you to make the leap but also to not put pressure on yourself as we all try and navigate the unknown. Remember, you are not alone in this. And if you ever need someone to talk to, I am always here!
Xx
Kelly
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