June 1st marked exactly 8 months of living with Kyle AND 8 months of working for myself – a lot of change happened in my life at once!! I will start off this post by saying WOW does time fly. It almost feels like yesterday that we were stressing up and down the streets of Murray Hill (only area we could afford lol) trying to find an apartment that checked all of our boxes.
To give a little background to this post Kyle and I have officially been dating 3.5 years now and we moved in with each other after dating for a little over 2.5 years. I don’t think there is an exact formula or timeline one has to stick with when making this decision. It is more what feels right and makes the most sense for your relationship. For us there were so many factors! Kelly was moving to LA and I reallllly didn’t want to go back to having a roommate after living with family for so long, the L train was “closing” and we both lived along its path and Kyles 2 of 3 roommates were moving out. So the cards basically fell in our favor.
I would also like to preface this post by saying I am of course no expert on the topic – it has only been 8 months but I would love to share my personal experiences as well as any tips/tricks I have picked up along the way when moving in with a significant other.
I will never forget the first night in this apartment it felt so funny honestly. Like we were playing a game is the only way I could describe it. Obviously I had thoughts of am I too young to be making this major commitment? As well as it was strange knowing that this was now a place we shared, after each having our own spaces and homes for the past 3 years. For those of you that have gone through this I am sure millions of thoughts were running through your minds as well. After about a week you start to get used to sharing almost everything as well as living in the close quarters that we do here in NYC. After that initial week passed I’ll never forget my friend from college Jill asking me what was something that I had learned about Kyle that I did not know previously. My answer was that I didn’t realize how many video games he played and that he wasn’t supppppper tidy lol.
It is a funny question when you think about it because for me there were things I didn’t know about him until we lived together. At times you tend to think you know everything about that person you are dating but with every life step whether it be getting engaged, married, adopting a dog, having a kid, etc. you continue to learn more. It really is, in my opinion, a beautiful thing and something that you get to continue looking forward to in a relationship.
There will also be little things along the road that you learn and may not 100% like or agree with but in the grand scheme of things those imperfections you deal with and understand because of the love you have for that person. Someone once told me that they knew their husband was the one because they never got a bad feeling about that person in their stomach. They never felt uneasy, unsafe or uncomfortable. This has been a rule I have lived by since graduating college and moving and dating in New York City. In the past I felt those bad feelings while in relationships but pushed them aside, now I trust them. And even on that first night when thousands of thoughts flooded my brain I realized I felt safe, comfortable and at peace in this apartment and that is all that mattered.
There have been of course been a few tips and pieces of advice I have learned to this point in being roommates. So to make it easy I listed them below. 🙂 If you find yourself currently struggling or in a funk I really hope these come in handy!
Designated Apartment Areas – As I stated above Kyle loves his video games and I LOVE MY BRAVO. So instead of us both having to split the one TV for our *hobbies* (which could cause tension), we decided to let me have the TV (yay!). Then designated a nice gaming corner for Kyle’s Xbox in the living room with a table, chairs, and nice computer monitor. This also gives you each your own space, which is so, so important.
Continuing Date Nights – Prior to living together dates were a must in order to see each other and spend time together. Now that we live together, dates and going out can go to the wayside. We have really worked on making sure we are still getting out of the house whether it be to grab a quick dinner or just walking to frozen yogurt down the street. This really made a great difference on our overall moods and at home relationship!
Weekend Girls Nights/Guys Nights – This specific one is a bit tougher for Kyle and I because we share the exact same group of friends. Therefor even if we are going out with our friends we are still going out together. This may sound counter intuitive to my last point but on top of getting out of the house TOGETHER it is imperative to also have your time with friends alone. To be completely transparent this is the one I personally have struggled with the most. Mostly because I love going out with Kyle and all my friends love Kyle (which of course are only all GREAT THINGS). However for me mentally I need to have those nights with just my girl friends where I can delve & concentrate 100% on them, catch up and drink wine!
Having an Understanding of What Matters To Each of You – I am very, very, VERY clean. A trait I have always had and something that has become even more apparent since moving into this apartment. Kyle had previously lived with 3 boys so the traits of me making the bed every morning, vacuuming twice a week, dusting & cleaning were a bit foreign to him. However as it was something that mattered to me, he was able to understand and help maintain a nice state in the apartment. 🙂
Find A Show – This may sound odd but finding TV shows and series that we both love makes us each happy. It is a way to decompress after work, not talk and just unwind. It also gives us both something to do together, look forward to and talk about every day (besides work lol). Some of my suggestions of series we watched together AND LOVED are The Americans, Dead to Me, Parks and Rec, Below Deck & Summer House (slowly Kyle is starting to love Bravo), Killing Eve and randomly American Idol.
I am sure I have more advice but it is honestly slipping my mind right now. Please reach out if you ever need advice or have any questions! The best way to reach us is by DM on @courtandkelly. 🙂